adultery

If your partner is cheating on you, it’s not a pleasant thing. Infidelity can be very traumatic and devastating. The betrayal of the heart is arguably one of the more challenging problems in a relationship.

But how can you know for sure if your spouse is cheating or not? What if they are perfectly loyal to you, and you're just an overthinker, prone to suspicion when there is little cause for it, or too jealous in general?

First, we suggest you check yourself by taking this Multi-Dimensional Jealousy Test. If you discover that you're not overly jealous, but your gut feeling is still telling you that your significant other is cheating, chances are you are right. Of course, the signs that a partner could be cheating look different in every marriage or long-term relationship, but undeniably, there are some common signs of infidelity, too. We’ll omit obvious signs of cheating like lipstick on their collar, smell of unusual perfume/cologne, strange hairs in the car, and focus more on emotional and psychological indicators that your partner is practicing infidelity.

So, here are 11 signs your partner might be having fun elsewhere:

1. Improved appearance

Certainly, somebody taking care of themselves is almost always positive. But if combined with other suspicious behaviors, your spouse suddenly starts eating healthier, dressing nicer, buying new underwear, or exercising a lot could be cause for concern. It might be an indicator that your husband or wife is trying to appear attractive to an affair partner. It is also possible that the infidelity has not yet occurred, but your spouse is already close to doing it.

2. Changes in phone or laptop use

Partners having an affair tend to use their phones, iPads, and other devices more often than they used to. If they have always been an open book but then one day, out of the blue, they password-protected all of their gadgets, started sneaking off to text or take phone calls, or regularly clearing the browser history on the home computer, it might mean that they are unfaithful to you. Besides, a cheater might suddenly start being unreachable when you try to call them at certain times of the day.

3. Changes in sex life

A decreased level of sexual activity in your relationship or your partner's reluctance to kiss you or accept your affection can definitely be a sign of infidelity. However, some partners might start having more sex with their spouse to try to cover up their affair. Another possible sign is your spouse suddenly making "kinky" requests and introducing new kinds of erotic play to your sex. Maybe they just have done some sexy research to spice things up for you. But be vigilant - there’s also a probability that they learned these new bedroom tricks and techniques outside of your relationship. If the sex between you and your husband or wife feels less emotionally connected than it used to be, that could be another sign of them cheating.

4. Indifference or hostility towards you and your relationship

If your significant other suddenly shows a lack of interest in things that they used to love, becomes lazy around the house, or seems bored with you, their job, or your children, it might be an indication of an affair. If they start making too many sarcastic comments, if you, all of a sudden “don't look as attractive” as you did on your wedding day, or they are telling you that you're not adventurous enough in the bedroom, it might be a sign they are having those adventures elsewhere.

5. Your partner’s altered schedule

If your spouse, who never worked late before, suddenly “has to work extra hours”, or they need to travel for business unexpectedly, although they’ve never been away on a business trip before, these might be signals of their infidelity. Excuses for them being late like spending extra time at the gym, flat tires or traffic jams might also be lies they use to try and hide their affair. A cheating spouse could also suddenly start forgetting about picking up the children from school, birthdays, and other family events.

6. Friends seem anxious around you

signs of treason

When infidelity happens, the partner who has been cheated on is almost always the last person to find out. Your partner's friends often know about them cheating right from the start. Obviously, this usually causes these individuals to feel very uncomfortable around you. That is why if you have noticed your spouse's friends (or your mutual friends) suddenly started avoiding you or being overly nice to you, it could be a huge red flag suggesting your partner might be cheating.

7. Unexplained expenses

If you notice odd charges on credit card statements that do not make much sense, sudden large cash withdrawals (remember - cash is harder to trace than credit cards),or if your partner suddenly stops planning for large joint purchases, such as trips, a car or a house, it might be an indication that they are cheating on you. If you ask your spouse about these budget changes or why ATMs have been getting a lot of action lately, and their answers seem shady, your partner is likely being unfaithful to you.

8. You're suddenly getting a lot of gifts

Some cheaters start giving their partners “guilt presents” - they shower them with expensive gifts to feel less guilty for their acts of infidelity. Remember that some individuals are in a better mood than usual when they are being unfaithful. So if you have been noticing that your partner seems too excited when they pile on all those presents, that might be a sign that they are cheating.

9. No emotional intimacy between you

Over time, the initial intensity and excitement tend to fade, and it happens almost in every relationship. However, in a really loving, solid, and healthy partnership, spouses do bond and securely attach to each other over time, trusting one another with their secrets, desires, and other essential aspects of their lives. The psychological term for it is building emotional intimacy. And if your significant other, out of the blue, becomes less emotionally available to you, that could be a strong sign that their focus has shifted - very likely, to their affair partner.

10. They suddenly develop a different taste in music or start a new unusual hobby

Maybe your partner has always been afraid of heights, but they suddenly start loving bungee jumping. Or, weirdly, they take up listening to hip hop although their favorite has always been rock music. Of course, the situation needs to be thoroughly investigated before jumping to extreme conclusions. Who knows, maybe your husband or wife is just expanding their horizons. But it also could be because they are trying to impress someone new by matching their likes.

11. When you directly ask about infidelity, your spouse deflects and avoids

If your partner is unfaithful to you, they, clearly, are not very willing to discuss it with you, to say the least. So if you try to start a conversation about it, your significant other may deflect and avoid it in every possible way - by steering you onto another subject or shifting blame for your thoughts and feelings onto you. They may say something like “If you trusted me more, everything would be different between us”. They might even accuse you of cheating as a way of projecting their own guilt onto them. But do not let these manipulative techniques override your gut feeling that has been telling you something is not right in your marriage or relationship.

Please note that your spouse could show all 11 of these signs and still not be having an affair. But if your significant other displays any of the above-mentioned behaviors, it almost certainly means something is still wrong in your relationship. Maybe it's not cheating. However, in any case, it is definitely something that you and your spouse need to have a serious talk about. And if you find out that your partner has cheated or is cheating on you, we strongly recommend you talk to a trusted friend or counselor. Healing after infidelity is crucial, regardless of whether you want to save your relationship or end it.